Sleeping with the Secretary

So you found out that the dude your are now in a relationship with use to have a “thing” with some other chicks prior to talking to you.  Nothing to concerned yourself about, right? But what if, this other chick is an employee with his company?  Does that make a difference in your level of concern? 

Let’s fill in the details a little more: the prior chick and your guy was never in a relationship, they just had sex regularly. Your guy moved away to a different state and left the prior chick behind.  Most likely, if he would not have left they would still be screwing.  Now he is going back for business.  Now what do you think?

Here is my take on the situation: Is there reason for discomfort about the situation. Hell yes! You should be a little uneasy about the fact that the girl your boyfriend was screwing prior to you will be within arms length of your guy.  Add with the fact that they didn’t “end” on bad terms and they just so happened to work together.

But, I know this may sound cliché but he’s innocent until proven guilty.  You have no right to assume that he is going to do something before he’s done it and then charge him with the crime  (you all seen minority report).  Instead, express your concern to him and tell him that it makes you uneasy.  If he respects you and loves you, he will tell you what he can do to make you feel less uneasy about the situation.

Secondly, he choose you to be with him in a relationship.  He didn’t just want to sleep with you. He’s not leaving at 3:00am in the morning.  That means something.  In all reality, if he wanted her he would be with her or he wouldn’t have started a relationship with someone else.  He would have just found another “buddy” to play with.  And he didn’t do that, so give him credit that he found the most amazing woman (you).  And if he was smart enough to be with you than he’ll be smart enough not to do something to lose you.

Also, it would behoove you (don’t you love that word) to not put all your eggs in the “trust” basket.  I believe you cannot be blinded by love in any relationship.  I’m in no way implying to snoop around are accuse him of doing anything because that’ll put strain on your relationship.  However, keep you eyes open.  For example, if he leaves the room to answer a phone call or you notice that this other chick is calling him at 3:00 in the morning that should raise an eyebrow.  I mean, that always make me look at my guy a little sideways.

Lastly, while he is away do something fun.  Go out clubbin with your girlfriends, do some harmless flirting with a sexy guy and wear something a little too sexy.  Also, relish in the fact that they girl he use to mess with before you is really ugly.

Please humor me with your comments.

T on E

No Wifin’ in the Club

I have a boyfriend and he’s great.  What I especially love about him is that we both like to have a good time and we can do it together without “wif’in’ in the club” because neither he nor I want to pay anybody 20 dollars.  I know some couples dread being in the same club, bar, lounge, with their other half.  The reason is it usually results in the following scenario:

• Chick is hugging up on dude while he is trying to create distance between them.
• Chick gets mad and then starts dancing with some other guy inappropriate
• Dude tries to act like he doesn’t care and starts flirting it up with some other girl
• Chick gets really mad and confronts dude while he is flirting with the other girl
• Then they break-up.

That’s no fun and if that was a risk I had to face everything I went to the club with my guy I wouldn’t want him to show up either.  But that’s no way to live.  Instead if the guy and girl can abide by a few rules they can have a good time and those rules are as follow:

1. Have other people there each of you know. You should come together and leave together but once you’re there you can immediately go your own way to say hello to the people you know.  This allows both of you to give each other space without any chance on conflict.
2. Frequently check up on each other.  Not in an accusatory or cautionary way but in a caring and loving way.  Meaning, Guys if you notice your girl glass is empty take her to the bar and buy her another drink.  Now, you have a little one-on-one time.  And Girls, when a hot sexy song comes on go ahead and rub your little booty on his thang-thang. He would be very appreciative.  Now Girls, only dance with him for one song.  Remember: give him space.
3. When it comes to dancing.  Clearly differentiate between the way you dance with your mate and how you dance with other people.  If you like to use your hands and rub on their body than don’t use your hands when dancing with anybody else.  Girls: No bending over, dropping it like it’s hot etc. Guys: No bending girls over or letting them “freak” you.
4. Guys: your girl wants to make sure that everyone in that club knows you are with her.  So you are going to need to show her a little affection.  It’s simple and it won’t make you uncomfortable.  Hold her face in your hands look at her for three seconds and give her a quick peck on the lips tell her to “go have fun” and when she walks away give her a light pat on the ass. Done.
5. Lastly, both of you would need to have a block of time (about 20 mins) or so just for the two of you.  I suggest towards the end of the night, when the DJ plays the slow and old school joints.

Follow the rules and you can really have your girl or guy in the club and keep you money in your pocket!  Love to hear you comments on this one.

T on E